Life can be the pits.  The daily grind we often find ourselves in can be very depressing and discouraging.  It affects us and how we relate to others, especially those closest to us.  For most couples, this means that the honeymoon is over.  Rather than seeing our spouses with starry eyes, we see them more with eyes glazed over with negativeness.  We do what comes naturally, we focus on one another's faults and fail to see what is good in our spouses.  Soon we discover that our marriage is in trouble.

All kind of things begin to happen: we find ourselves entertaining thoughts about someone else, we long for freedom from the life we are now living, we seek to satisfy our needs in other ways (pornography, masturbation, etc.).  Instead of trying to find help for our marriages, we try to hide our problems hoping no one will know or perhaps they will go away.  We avoid help because we no longer want help.  We just want out!  We have a fear of winning.  The mere thought that we would spend the rest of our lives with our spouse sends chills up our spines.  We can't imagine how things could possibly get any better than it is.

The fear of winning is at the root of most divorces.  We don't want to win.  We don't want to fix what is wrong with us.  And unfortunately, there are always plenty of people who are more than happy to oblige.  Divorce is commonplace.  People who want to lure us away from our spouses are everywhere.  We becoming willing participants because we are afraid of what might happen if we win.

What should we do?  Do we let our fear of winning lead us away and destroy our marriage in the hope that the green grass on the other side of the fence is indeed better?  Do we cling to the hope that appearances are not deceiving, that the other person does not have his/her own set of flaws?